The Golden Rule
Here’s my disclaimer… our “Golden Rule” is not the one you’re thinking of. There will be talk of private parts. Why? Because we have four boys and almost every conversation had in this house circles back to “privacies” at some point. BUT this story is important in order to understand why we have established “The Golden Rule” in our household.
About two years ago, our second-born had finished potty training and was getting pretty good at making it to the throne on time (with a few hiccups). One day, in particular, it had been a little chilly and we had been out running errands. Our now three-year-old was still in an infant seat, and our oldest was feeling very much the oldest and the manager of the family. The untimely tinkler had developed a knack for needing to pee at the most inconvenient times and I hadn’t yet developed a backup plan. Halfway home I see a little man wiggling nervously in the back seat before he says in a very worried voice, “Maaaama? I weally has to pee! NOOOW!” We were three minutes from the house and there was no safe place to pull over. When we pulled in the driveway I opened the van doors and sent him running, full speed, into the house to do his thing. Of course, the big brother felt the need to supervise, “Mom! I’ve got this! If he has trouble with the button I have his 6!” Fine! I get the youngest out of the car, grab our stuff, close the doors and head in the house. Upon opening the door I hear a blood curdling scream coming from the bathroom. In comes the biggest brother to inform me that the one finding independence is not familiar with what happens to boys on cold days when their parts are exposed to the chilly air.
I enter the bathroom where he’s crying and shaking…
“Mama! My parts are purple! PURPLE!”
“Son, it’s ok! It’s just a little chilly and that happens. Why are you so upset?”
“Because, Mama! What if it gets TOO purple and falls off like YOURS DID!?” (Oh, dear.)
“Hey. No, no, no. Mama’s didn’t fall off! God just didn’t give me one because he made me a girl and he made you a boy. We have different parts. Yours is firmly attached and it’s not going anywhere.”
“I don’t believe it, Mama. I’m scared.”
“Ok. Well, let’s finish your business in here and when Daddy gets home you can discuss your concerns with him. He has those parts. He’ll be able to explain it better.”
I serve lunch at the dining room table and there is immediate nervous chatter between the two oldest boys about how on EARTH God thought to make parts that change color when their hot and cold… how much better they feel knowing it won’t fall off. Then the conversation turned to wondering what other tricks it would do! It was at this point that the Golden Rule was created…
“Gentlemen, we’ve got a new rule. I want you to listen very carefully. The conversation you’re having right now is not one which is appropriate to have around other people… or around food. So, from now on, if you feel the need to discuss something that happens in the bathroom, or is seen in the bathroom, then the discussion has to take place IN THE BATHROOM.” Both boys seemed satisfied enough and the discussion ceased. (Thank you, Jesus!)
Fast forward to that evening, the Dad was running a little later than usual coming home from work and by the time he arrived, dinner was on the table and we were all seated around it. He comes in, sits down, we bless the meal, and we start to enjoy it. The typical questions of how everyone’s day was, what was new, etc. are asked and answered. It was amidst the silence that our frightened fella piped up, “DAD! I’m SO glad you’re home! Today when I went… wait… sorry, Mom. Dad – um, can I talk to you in the bathroom!?” SUCCESS! I am mastering this thing!
After dinner was cleaned up, and the great bathroom summit of 2018 had occurred, our guys were on their way to their room to prepare for our book, blessing, bedtime routine. They’re chatting amongst themselves on the way up the steps about their newfound knowledge.
Boy 1: “Wow, our Dad is really smart. I’m glad we have him.”
Boy 2: “Yeah! Me, too! I’m glad that it’s not falling off… and that Mom’s didn’t either!”
Boy 1: “Right! Did you hear her say God didn’t give her one!?”
Boy2: “Yeah, it’s sad… But, then, if He didn’t give her one, what does she play with!?”
Boy 1: *shrugs* “Huh. I don’t know. Maybe Dad’s?”
And so it was. There was a new rule in our household… and we reached a whole new season of our life with boys all in one night. To this day, we still giggle about their assumptions. We still laugh about their thought process. And today, as our guys are outside doing jobs with their dad in the cold and run into the house, I hear, “Hey, bro! I need to talk to you real quick – but we have to do it in the bathroom!”
Today, I laugh out loud and HARD.
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