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When I was a little girl I spent a lot of time at my grandparents’ house, especially during the holiday season. They were my home away from home. Every year, right after Thanksgiving, I would go to their house and help them get their Christmas decorations out and put up. There were evergreen garlands and red velvet ribbons on the front porch, there was an artificial holly and berry garland that hung on the fireplace mantel, a Christmas tree decked out in beads, tinsel, and icicle ornaments, and a village full of houses, shops, and an ice skating rink that was always set up in the bay window at the front of their home. Grandpa and I always joked about beating the neighbors with our Christmas lights strung around their screened back porch – admittedly a humble offering against the neighbors who had spent tens of thousands on their light display… but ours was better, because we did it together. After all of the decorations were out and put in their places, it was time for hot cocoa, gift wrapping, and conversation. When I was in high school I can remember talking with Grandma about some of the things we could do to make holiday preparations easier for her as her health began to get a bit more unpredictable. I suggested things like letting the people at the mall wrap the gifts, asking friends and family to come help me with the decorations so they didn’t have to work so hard, and maybe relinquishing some of the Christmas baking and cooking to the rest of the family so she could just “sit back and enjoy the holiday”. She would have no part of it. For her, and for mothers and grandmothers everywhere, there is something very special about “making the magic” for her family. If others were doing it all, she wouldn’t be able to experience her favorite part of Christmas: watching the faces of the ones she loved most while they enjoyed the Christmas magic that SHE made for them.
I didn’t understand. So many complain about everything it takes to get ready for the holidays. All of the work to be done, decorations to be hung, and the “craziness” that comes with the parties, events, and merriment. This woman, however, never viewed the holidays with loathing and dread like some I’ve spoken to. For her, it was a chance to live her love for each of us out loud. It was visible, it was palpable, and it was warm. She helped me understand that everything she did at Christmas time (and every other time through the year) was done, not out responsibility, but as an outward act of love for all of us. From that conversation forward, I looked at everything she did at the holidays differently. As she said, “The magic doesn’t just happen, Erin. It’s made by the mothers. That’s part of the reason mothers never know what they want for Christmas – because what they really want is to watch their children enjoy the magic they made for them. The tree, the cookies and pies, the lights, the traditions, the gifts… ALL of it brings the family together, fills them with warmth and love. That’s what we are for our children. Warmth. Love.”
The conversation we had that night played a huge role in shaping me as a mother at Christmas time. When we had our first son, there was very little thought given to what kind of magic we should strive to make for him at Christmas. Until, that is, Thanksgiving rolled around. The weekend after Thanksgiving all of her words came rushing back into my mind – she had passed away a few years prior to my marriage and the birth of our son, but it was as if she was sitting right next to me talking about “making the magic”. This year, things are so different than they have been in the past. Yes, we’ve added three more sons, and yes, we have some relatively established traditions by this point, but 2020 is just… different.
We have done our best to protect the boys from as much of the hardship as possible this year. We’ve quarantined but chosen the perspective that this is more of an opportunity to spend meaningful time together. We’ve instituted Game Nights, Taco Tuesdays, and we’ve moved from actual grocery trips to grocery pickup in the parking lot, instead. But with the pandemic has also come some hard realities for our guys. Because our oldest was recently diagnosed with dyslexia and is still struggling to learn to harness all that comes with it, and because some of what comes with it is attention deficit, distance learning wasn’t going to help him to be successful in first grade – so we are homeschooling. For the first time in my adult life, I’m not working a regular job. While it’s been great from a learning perspective, it’s been hard on our very social kiddos. They’re missing their friends from school and from the babysitter’s house, their cousins, and their routine. So, to say that I want to make sure that my magic making is on point in 2020 more than ever is an understatement. Maybe you feel the same way. So, here is a rundown of our Christmas traditions in the hopes that you might find something new to add to your magic making this year.
The Tree
Each year, the weekend after Thanksgiving, we find a tree farm and choose our tree. The boys each get to make a cut or two with the saw *with the direct guidance of their father* and we bring her home. Once our “Merry Christmas Tree” is in our tree stand and well watered, we sit down to dinner and sip some cocoa before tucking our wide-eyed wonderers into bed. Once they are asleep, the magic maker steps in. I put the lights on the tree while they’re sleeping. One of the first Christmas gifts I receive is that of their excitement when they come down the steps to our lit tree the following morning (made especially magical by the fact that they wake up before the roosters some mornings). It’s. The. Best. The decorations are placed on the tree the following evening by our little band of brothers – complete with some icicle ornaments (just like Grandma and Grandpa’s tree).
Advent Calendar
When we first got married, my parents gifted us an advent wreath made of 25 small boxes. For the past few years we have done 25 days of kindness with a different act of kindness for each day. Examples were as simple as holding the door for someone and as involved as creating care packages or delivering cookies to a nursing home. This year, our 25 days of kindness has to change a bit. So, this year, we’ll be removing those acts of kindness which can’t be done in accordance with social distancing and replacing those acts with the titles of the Christmas books we will read as a family, instead. Here are a few of our favorites:
- The Innkeeper’s Daughter
- Room for a Little One
- The Crippled Lamb
- Christmas in the Manger
- The Perfect Christmas Tree
- Humphrey’s First Christmas
- The Polar Express
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Speaking of favorite books… That leads us to another Christmas tradition! This is one I was raised with and have, now, begun doing with my boys. When I was a little girl, my mom read this book to my siblings and I the week before Christmas. One Chapter each night. Now, I do this with our boys. We read and then we discuss. Some of the story is a bit outside of their understanding, but that means they can ask questions and learn more from us about the nativity story than they do about Santa. We, by no means, discourage the “Santa discussions” but we’ve chosen less of an emphasis on Santa and the North Pole than we do the birth of Jesus and the nativity story. This is one way we can do that.
If you’re looking for a copy to give a try, here’s a link! The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Family Movie Night
From the moment Christmas begins in our home to the moment it ends, we watch our favorite Christmas movie – White Christmas. Sure, Polar Express and The Grinch make it into the running as well, but White Christmas is our family movie night movie. It’s the one we put a fire in the fireplace and pop the popcorn to huddle on the couch and watch together. This is a tradition from my days with my Grandma – not the one who talked about making the magic… the one who showed me a different kind of magic at Christmas. Her kind of magic was that of Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye with Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen on the silver screen. Her kind of magic was ice cream right before bed, walking and singing Santa dolls, and crochet slippers on cold nights. So, that’s the other magic maker I get to honor at Christmas… with this tradition… listening to our boys sing every word to songs like “Count My Blessings”, “Mandy”, and “We’ll Follow – We Love Him”, and “What Can You Do With a General”.
Christmas Eve
One more Christmas tradition from my own childhood that we’ve carried forward to our family – Christmas Eve pajamas. Each Christmas Eve, before we read the final chapter of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, our boys open their Christmas Eve pajamas, we make some hot cocoa, and we snuggle in for the pageant night chapter of the book. We finish our final discussion about what we’ve read, we put out the [almond] milk (milk allergies in this house) and cookies, and we say our prayers and tuck them in for their “[not so] long winter’s nap.” While the story goes that mama should be in her kerchief and Dad in his cap… we get to snuggle up on the couch with a glass of wine and each other until it’s time to put the gifts in their places and fill the stockings. It’s the pinnacle of magic making and I have a great partner in it. The best, in fact.
Christmas Morning
Christmas morning always comes VERY early – when we hear the pitter pat of little feet clamoring down the hall above our heads, we know it’s time to get up and beat them to it! Gifts go by like a blur and the looks on their faces are the best part of our year. Christmas brunch, FaceTime chats with the Grandparents (Daddy’s parents) and Uncle, Aunt, and cousins in the south (or north if it’s a year we are celebrating in the south) and then time with the Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, cousins and extended family close by are what we do. I’ve gotten a lot of questions, especially this year, about what we do about Christmas gifts. There’s a post about that coming in the very near future. But this is the magic. This is the magic we make in our home, with our boys, as a family. This. Is Christmas. For us.
I know this post was a long one. I know your wine glass may be empty by now. But I hope your heart is full and your mind is thinking of the happy things Christmas means in your house and the ways you are going to change your routine to make Christmas, 2020 better than it could be without you at the helm of the magic-making for your family. Traditions are special. The people who helped us to form those traditions are even more so. But this year, it may be time to make some extra traditions of your own. It may be time to re-evaluate your perspective on the season – with a little less hustle bustle and a little more meaningful time together as a family. Read the books. Watch the movies. Eat the fudge sauce. And enjoy these moments. Because even with a pandemic (and toilet paper shortage in the background), we have a great opportunity to be PRESENT more than ever before. Take that opportunity and run with it! Take a note from Bing – count your blessings and have yourself a merry little Christmas.
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